Sunday, July 10, 2016

Pregnancy, Personal Space, and an (Unfortunate) Kiss

I want to preface this by saying that my mother in-law and father in-law are goodhearted people, they also have a “don’t give a f*ck” attitude that causes situations like the one I will lay out for you today.

My In-Laws weren't terribly interested in giving me advice until I got pregnant. Suddenly, they were fonts of wisdom and all about being in my business. They flooded the Mister and I with equal amounts of both unwanted advice and terrifying stories: "I stopped giving my sons formula at 3 months because it was too expensive and they're fiiiiiine". Or when told that the hospital checks the carseat before discharging the baby, "I remember bringing our oldest home from the hospital in my lap and he's fiiiiiiiine". (Mind you, I'm the same age as their oldest, carseats existed and people like them are probably the reason hospitals check now). There is a whole larger discussion to be had about how the Mister and I are aiming a bit higher than “fine” with our child, but not today.

Anyway, this sudden interest also included invading my personal space, which mainly involved talking to and kissing my belly even before I had a bump. No matter how many times we told them not to do it, my MIL would swoop in like a ninja when I least expected it.

PSA: Please ASK a pregnant woman if she wants to be touched! Just because she creating another person, it does not make her public property for you to handle or even comment on.  Keep your hands and thoughts to yourself.

Seriously. Just, no. Don't do it.

Come wintertime, I had a good sized baby bump and maternity coat to cover it. (It went just below my hips; I liked to keep my butt warm since I was living in leggings at that point). We were leaving the In-Laws house and I was already zipped up, smugly thinking I had FINALLY found a way to defend myself. Much to my horror, she starts pawing at the bottom of my jacket and attempts to yank it up. When that doesn't work, she bends over and tries to kiss BELOW the coat, completely misses the bump and plants one right on the front of my crotch. I'm frozen going, "YOURMOTHERJUSTKISSEDMYVAGINA YOURMOTHERJUSTKISSEDMYVAGINA" over and over. My husband says, "What the fuck Ma?!" She just shrugs, says she doesn't care and walks away, zero fucks given.

I was in stunned silence the whole ride home and finally told the Mister that he had to deal with it. He negotiated with her that she just blow kisses from that point forward, otherwise I refused to see them. At no point, did she express any remorse or give a hint that she had done anything weird or awkward.  Like I said, zero fucks given.

Tl;dr my MIL tried to kiss my baby bump and instead planted one on my vag.

#personal #space #inlaws #awkward #no #maternity #clothes 

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