Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Positively Positive (and Battleshots)

2013 was the year of ultimate big-kid birthday parties for the Mister and I. His involved going to Wrestlemania and feeling the heat come off the stage as the bells of the Undertaker announced his entrance. Mine was a group trip to that fine New Jersey institution, Medieval Times. Normally, I would drink large overpriced drinks in souvenir glasses or tankards, but this time the alcohol just wasn’t sitting right.  We ate, we cheered our knight, I even caught a flower….mine may have been the oldest birthday in the building. Overall, it was a fairly standard trip.

Once we got the few children that were with our group to their respective homes, everyone came back our apartment to continue the party.  It was here that our entire friendgroup was introduced the horrible, horrible game called Battleshots.  The game goes exactly how it sounds:

  • There are two empty pizza boxes with game boards drawn on them.
  • Use sharpie on the lower lid of each box to create a grid that looks like this:

The Grid
  • Then create identical boards for the top part of the lid, you can either use sharpie again or you can print the grid on regular printer paper (8.5x11) and tape it up.
    • The upside to printing the grid is that you can track the spaces you’ve already selected directly on the board and for each game you play you can just tape a fresh piece of paper up there. 
    • If you go the sharpie route you’ll have to track your moves on a separate piece of paper.  
      • Unless you have a photographic memory or something, in which case you can just forget I even tried to help.
  • You then set up your shots, from what I could tell my friends went with 3 “ships”. 
    • One was made of two shot glasses, another was made of three, and the third “ship” was four shot glasses in a row.

It turned into a two person per side game because everyone wanted to play and it helped distribute the shots so that no one person would get alcohol poisoning or some other equally un-fun party foul. My husband got swept up into this game with his cousin, winning round after round against other teams. To be honest, I’m not sure if I would call it “winning” because after playing for so long you wind up ridiculously drunk.

My friends kept handing me beers, but every time I took a sip I did not feel well and I would wind up putting them down. I felt kind of uncomfortable and bloated and thought that maybe I was getting my period.  I even sat down for Battleshots, but as I smelled the alcohol I felt sick and started rubbing my stomach.  John’s cousin looked up from his pizza box and said, “Why the hell are you rubbing your stomach like that?”. My landlord, who was also at the party (fyi, he’s awesome) and was standing nearby in the kitchen, chimes in with, “You aren’t pregnant, are you?”. Cousin replies, “You better fucking not have kids before us!” (He and his wife had been married for over 5 years at that point and REALLY wanted kids). I found myself saying, “What? Psshhh! No! Nooooo”. While in my head I thought, “When was my last period? When was I supposed to get this one?”.  I was pretty sure there was no way and continued on with my evening until the partygoers all headed home.

We had only one friend crashing on our couch and began the process of getting ready for bed.  As I sat waiting for the Mister to come back in our room, I realized he had been gone for a while and decided to go investigate. For context, the Mister is very tall man and we had a relatively small bathroom.  There he is, sitting on the toilet with his forehead on the sink counter completely passed out.  I resisted the urge to take a photo and instead very carefully shook him awake and guided him back into our bedroom.  I started to settle in to sleep; still thinking of what my landlord had asked me earlier, “You aren’t pregnant, are you?”, when the Mister shot straight up and turned to look at me.  My heart started racing, so sure he was about to throw up all over the bed. Instead, he maintained this HARD eye contact with me and proceeded to slide sloooowly off the bed, ass-first onto the floor. Once he hit the ground, he crumpled over like a broken marionette and did not move.  I tried to hoist him up, but he was complete dead weight.  I woke up our friend in the living room and the two of us got him back into bed, only to have him pop up and run BACK into the bathroom. So, the friend and I, once again, coax him back into bed where he stayed until late in the morning.

I woke up a bit before everyone else and found myself thinking about that question again, “You aren’t pregnant, are you?”.  I remembered that I had an old test hanging out in the bathroom drawer, when I took it out, I could see it was expired.  I thought to myself, “Eh, whatever. I’m not pregnant, so I’ll just take this test, it will be negative, and I’ll move on with my day”.  So, I pee on the stick and before it had even fully saturated the testing area…BAM! Two pink lines immediately appear.  I didn’t even have to wait 2 minutes for it to register. I felt my eyes go wide and my first thought was, “This test is broken because it’s expired, I better get another one to be 100% sure”.  I snuck out of the house to go to the drugstore, which wasn’t too hard considering how hungover the Mister and his friend were.  I bought another test that was actually a two-pack and brought them home.  Two more tests later, they’re all positive, and I am definitely 100% pregnant.

I sat on this information, patiently waiting for the friend to go the eff home, but he just didn’t seem to be moving.  Finally, he got in the shower and I cornered my husband in the doorway of our bedroom.

     “I’m pregnant”.

      He looked at me bleary-eyed, and shook his head, “What?”.

     “I’m pregnant!” I said through my teeth, hoping our friend didn't hear.

     “Whaaaat are youuuuu talking about?” was the reply I received.

Finally, I hold up all 3 positive tests with both hands and shove them in his face, “Look! Looooook what we have done!”. He sobered up immediately, grabbing my hands to look at the tests. He pulled me into his arms and said, “This is a good thing.” Then, he pushes me out to arm’s length to look at my face and said, “This is a good thing?”.  Then, pulled me back to him and said, “This is good thing”.  At that moment, I exploded into tears because it was all so overwhelming, it was a good thing, but we didn’t plan for this right now and WHEN did this happen?

Unfortunately, this very same day we had to go to a christening for a family member while we sat on this knowledge, not saying a word to anyone, while the Mister was still feeling the aftereffects of Battleshots. Since christenings are kind of baby-centric events, we got a lot of the “When are you going to have kids?” questions. It was kind of weird to think, “Now, right now.” all while giving our usual answers about waiting for the right time.

When we returned home, the Mister’s head must have finally cleared because he announced, “I know when it happened….the wine festival”.


At that moment it all came flooding back to me. He was absolutely right; it was the only time it could have happened. I had always envisioned us waiting a few years and then “trying for a baby”, which in my mind involved a lot of sex (probably why the idea appealed to me), and maybe the Mister anxiously waiting and holding my hand while the test turned positive. But, we don’t live in a Lifetime movie special, things don’t really happen that way. Well, maybe for some people they do. For others, you go to a wine festival and come back parents.

Sometimes, you have to let go of your idea of how things should be and enjoy them just the way they are.

#Birthdays #Wrestlemania #MedievalTimes #EPT #Pregnancy #Ooopsababy

1 comment:

  1. Somethings happen when you least expect. Maybe that's how life is supposed to be especially when the thing that happens is a good thing. I enjoyed reading this. I could picture you guys, especially the part when you told your husband that you were pregnant ...


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