Sunday, July 31, 2016

15 Things No One Told Me About Pregnancy

Things that no one told me about pregnancy:

1.      The headaches.

Oh, the headaches. Especially during those first few weeks, my hormones must have been having a riot because I had headaches that left me in bed for an entire day.  My doctor recommended taking Tylenol and drinking water. Tylenol doesn’t do much. It really has only been useful to me if I have a fever.

2.      Taking prenatals can make you want to vomit.
      Pro tip: take them at night right before you go to bed. I have no idea why this works (and I’m sure there’s some science behind it), but it does.

3.   Food cravings are not just for sitcoms.

There were days where I felt like I couldn’t eat anything and there were others that I told my husband I would cut him if he walked through that door and didn’t have French fries in his hands.

4.      That heartburn is Satan’s way of saying hello in the middle of the night.

      I never knew what heartburn was until I was 8 months pregnant and decided to eat empanadas for dinner on New Year’s Eve.  I sent the Mister out for Tums in the middle of the night and he came back with Pepto-Bismol claiming that the guy at the gas station said “they were pretty much the same thing”. I wailed that he didn’t care about me or the baby as I threw him back out into the night to get the job done right.

5.      Water is also your doctor’s cure for everything. 

      You have to drink a lot of water for the obvious reasons, but with your doctor...
                                                              -Spotting? Water
                                                              -Headaches? Water
                                                              -Bleeding out of your eyeballs?  Have you tried drinking more water?

6.      After you drink all of this water, you can’t hold it for very long.

I had to rearrange my hours at work for an earlier shift in order to avoid traffic.  If I wound up in the car during rush hour, I would have to scope out places to stop halfway home. One gas station in particular knew to just hand me the bathroom key if I rolled in.

I learned that peeing yourself is totally a thing that happens. I was only weeks away from giving birth, standing next to the toilet and getting ready to roll my leggings down when I unexpectedly sneezed. It was just as bad as you can imagine.  When I pressed my doctor for suggestions on what to do, his reply was, “Try to use the bathroom more often, but don’t stop drinking water”. Thanks Doc.

7.      Doctors are reluctant to attribute any issues to your pregnancy.

You could be having any number of symptoms and they like to give very “safe” answers. I felt like I wanted to make a cross stitch for my OB’s office “Pregnancy: it could be from that, but maybe not”.
Only it would have a nice frame
8.      Kicks from the baby aren’t always cute.

Babies in breech (or kneeling breech like mine was), kick you directly in the cervix and it is the WORST

9.      Your boobs will grow.

But, you should hold off on ordering nursing bras until AFTER the baby is born because, and you might not want to hear this, but they are only to grow some more.

10.   Braxton Hicks are super strange feeling. 

Your tummy gets tight and hard.  Sometimes it’s enough to make you take a sharp breath in if you weren’t expecting it.

11.  There are some days where your baby doesn’t move AT ALL.

You will tell yourself that this is normal and everything’s fine, but you will also be secretly freaking out and researching home doppler kits until you feel another kick.

12.   If you have an extra nipple, pregnancy can “wake it up”.

I have a third nipple, it suddenly became more noticeable and defined, but it never produced milk.

13.   People will comment on your body and suddenly try to touch you.

Don’t worry; once you have the baby no one is interested in you anymore. Then you are fighting them away from your kid, which is a whole other thing.

14.   I would begin worrying about my baby from the moment I received a positive test.

And that I would continue to worry in some way or another until the day I drop dead.

15.   It is possible to fall in love with someone you have never seen or spoken to.

Maybe some part of me knew about this, but I didn’t really understand it until it happened to me.

#pregnancy #headaches # water #doctors #cravings #heartburn


  1. So true! That third nipple thing is crazy though. I had no idea. I did have the headaches, heartburn and throwing up for which water was initially prescribed! Thanks for the laugh.

  2. love these! but the last one is just.... <3


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